Yesterday. Today. Tomorrow?

Predicting my days is like predicting the weather. Sunny? Chance of rain? Yesterday I woke up with allergies so bad I could barely see. I took my normal allergy medication that I took all season last year and within an hour I passed out. I woke up at 7 p.m. on my couch with my breakfast still in front of me. The only explanation I could come up with is that I had a bad medication interaction with my new anti depressant/anxiety medicine.
I was sad that I had missed an entire day, I had dressed and planned to spend it in my garden. The more depressing thought followed that when do I not lose an entire day? I've been awake since 8 a.m. and here we are at 3 p.m. All I have managed to do is unload and load the dishwasher. The rest of my day was spent streaming t.v. shows online and taking pills to drown my emotions for four hour periods.
I had a plan. I had a really good plan. I graduated from massage school in October and I had a great agreement with the Marriott hotel I was working at that allowed me to do as much in room massage as I liked, charging whatever I liked with minimal overhead. I could make in two days what I would normally make in a week. After I was sexually assaulted behind the bar by a strange man all comfort I had with being in a room with a stranger vanished and so did the hours of work I had put into creating that dream.
That is not the only thing I have lost in the last few months. I lost the sense of equality I had in my marriage when my husband was forced to take over my half of the bills. Even with the fact that he took this on without argument, it has caused a distance between us that is so painful. We were trying to have a baby. Six months we had been trying. I know I wasn't pregnant yet but I feel like I lost a child when we decided it would be wiser to wait until I get better.
I guess it would probably help if I had a timetable I could imagine. When I was in school I knew when my completion date was. When I was engaged I knew my wedding date. This endless timetable makes it so hard for me to imagine a future beyond it. When does it end? Does it ever really end? Do people ever recover to 100% after being here? Will my husband get his wife back? Will we ever have that child or will I always have to be on the medication that makes pregnancy an unsafe option for a baby?
I lost so much. So much that was right there at my fingertips. Dealing with the events of my past do not compare to the pain of everything in my future that slipped away. I've lost my sense of purpose. When do I get that back?